I Know You Are Straight but I Am a Lesbian
If You're Request, 'Am I Gay? Lesbian? Bi? Trans? Queer?' Here'southward a Start
Maybe the questions bubbled up over fourth dimension. Maybe the realization hit you all of a sudden. Am I gay? Anybody calls me a girl, but I don't experience like ane. Why do I feel different from the people I'm around? Those feelings can be the beginning of a journey of self-discovery that tin can be rewarding, but also extremely daunting.
'You are not alone.'
If this is what you're going through, accept a jiff and call back that there are enough of people and resource to assistance and support you. Even if facing discrimination is non a concern for you, the anxiety and isolation you may feel privately can be all too existent.
"You lot are not alone," said iO Tillett Wright, a speaker whose TedxWomen talk, "50 Shades of Gay," has more than 2.5 meg views. "It's comical how not alone you are."
While it is not possible to get an exact figure on the population of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans, a 2015 report by the Public Faith Inquiry Plant suggests that "7 percent of millennials identify either every bit lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender." A January 2017 Gallup survey revealed that an estimated 4.1 percent of Americans place as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, up from 3.5 percent in 2012.
According to a paper published by the National Bureau of Economical Research, even those numbers may be underestimated — equally are the challenges that people in this customs face.
In many parts of the country, and the world, there are institutional resource available for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people that never before existed, said Larry Gross, a communications professor at the University of Southern California who helped institute the field of gay and lesbian studies.
"And rather chiefly," he added, "psychological, psychiatric, medical professionals are now much more than enlightened and enlightened than they were in the past not to pathologize variation, but to see information technology as normal, and to assistance people to suit."
At foursquare one, though, take an inventory of your feelings.
You don't need all the answers right away.
"The leap from 'something feels non right' to 'I am transgender' is a huge 1," said Mr. Tillett Wright, whose Cocky Evident Truths project is documenting ten,000 people who identify as annihilation other than 100 percent straight. "I think that the pervasive idea is that there'south this switch that you lot flip that's like, 'I'm non straight anymore, I'm gay,' or 'Something's up, and I'm trans.' "
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"The big question is: 'Am I happy?'," he said. "Do I feel good? Do I feel at ease?"
Richard H. Reams, the associate director of counseling services at Trinity University, in San Antonio, Tex., who created the guide "Am I Gay?" recommends that those questioning their orientation should also assess whether their same-sex activity attractions are physical or emotional.
Concrete attraction toward someone of the same sex tin can exist easier to identify, Dr. Reams said, indicated past thoughts every bit simple equally, "I'd like to touch that person."
Emotional allure tin exist trickier: "What are my feelings toward the different people in my life? Is it just friendship feelings, or is it romantic feelings?" Dr. Reams suggests request yourself. And don't rush answering.
If negative thoughts like "something is incorrect with me" creep up, Deborah Coolhart, a therapist at Syracuse University and co-author of "The Gender Quest Workbook," says to call up that these thoughts are learned, non innate. She works with patients to assist them identify the origin of those disquisitional messages to hopefully "externalize them," she said.
Dispel the myths.
Amongst the most damaging myths are that being a sexual minority or transgender is a disease, a sin or not normal, says Dr. Coolhart, who specializes in transgender issues. All of these thoughts demand to be challenged, she said.
By connecting with affirmative people, like counselors and other helping professionals, or a community, those messages tin can be replaced with: " 'I am normal. There's a lot of people that have this experience. There'southward nothing wrong with me. This is actually something that makes me special and who I am,' " she said.
Dr. Reams addresses several myths about sexual orientation on his website but says the most common one is that bisexuals are equally attracted to men and adult female. "It infuriates me," he said. "Bisexuality is a spectrum."
The traditional definition of sexual orientation assumes two primary things, he says: that people have a gender identity of male person or female, and that they're attracted to men, women or both. "Both of those assumptions tin be incorrect," he said. In fact, genderqueer or gender-fluid individuals may have an unfixed gender identity.
If Mr. Tillett Wright, who is transgender, could give advice to his younger self, information technology would exist to waste less time trying to exist "direct and femme."
"You tin never curve yourself into beingness anything other than what you are. No matter how much social force per unit area is put on you lot," he said.
Comprehend the spectrum.
Fluidity is quickly becoming a new, and acceptable, normal in the queer community.
"The old-school answer was that you really needed to come to an identity and claim it," Dr. Reams said. "We're now agreement that's not the instance."
Embracing that fluidity is more about characteristics that aren't gender-specific. Information technology's "incredibly liberating" for some sexual minorities to describe themselves beyond the 3 labels of lesbian, gay or bisexual, he said.
When seeking a partner, "male person or female is pretty immaterial" to a lot of younger people, he said.
Mr. Tillett Wright says the healthiest way to come up to an identity is to "come to it in fourth dimension" and "never settle on annihilation."
"I find rigidity in any identity, be it direct, gay, trans, bisexual or whatsoever. When you settle on one affair, you lot accept formed a barrier for yourself and your future selves, plural."
Your safety is paramount.
While many Fifty.G.B.T.Q. people live openly all over the United states, and in many other countries, it's of import to take stock of your personal situation to ensure that you're not compromising your safety. According to data compiled by the Federal Bureau of Investigation that was analyzed terminal twelvemonth, 50.G.B.T.Q. Americans are more than likely to be targets of detest crimes than any other minority grouping.
Similarly, a nationwide report by the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention released in 2016 revealed that high school students identifying every bit gay, lesbian or bisexual are still at much greater take chances of bullying, depression and violence than their peers who identify every bit straight. And in many other parts of the world, people still face persecution and punishment for their orientation and identity.
Then in some instance, Dr. Coolhart says, information technology may be better to wait to come out to anybody and to instead focus on finding support. "Call up virtually what kind of risks there are in coming out, how supportive they retrieve their family will be, how will it be treated in the work or school environs," she said.
To commencement, Dr. Coolhart suggests, find one person you tin can be honest with — possibly a relative, instructor, counselor, co-worker or church building person.
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Observe a support network.
Dr. Reams recommends that if y'all can't find someone trustworthy or y'all live in an area that feels dangerous, make contact with the nearest Metropolitan Community Church. The church operates nationwide, even in rural areas. "Even if y'all're non religious, the pastor of that church building is going to know what resource in that location are," he said. Also consider contacting a PFLAG chapter in your area or a GSA chapter in your school, if at that place is i.
The LGBT National Aid Center offers volume suggestions, hotlines and online chat services.
GLAAD and the Information technology Gets Better Project offer communities and information. The Trevor Project is a national support network for young people, focused largely on suicide prevention, merely it also extends an online customs to connect with privately, and a hotline if y'all need to talk.
The Trans Lifeline operates hotlines for people struggling with their gender identity, and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health offers many resource for transgender individuals. The Bisexual Resources Center hosts events, offers resources and raises awareness almost bisexuality.
Finding support online easily defuses a common showtime reaction of people questioning their orientation or identity — thoughts like "there's something here that no 1 has ever experienced, and there'due south no one like them, and there's no one to talk to," said Mr. Gross, who wrote "Contested Closets: The Politics and Ideals of Outing."
Mr. Gross, Dr. Reams and Dr. Coolhart all suggest watching YouTube testimonials. They "give faces to experiences that are similar," Dr. Coolhart said. Just skip the comments, Dr. Reams says.
Online resources like that have changed everything. "In a culture saturated in sexual imagery," Mr. Gross said, queer people tin can finally see themselves reflected in ways that were not bachelor before. "The internet has overcome that kind of isolation in a fashion that nothing has previously."
Mr. Tillett Wright offers a word of alert, though: Exercise restraint when sharing emotional details online.
"Social media opens the doors to keyboard warriors, who like to cracking people," he said. "So as you're tiptoeing your way into your identity and figuring yourself out, maybe don't put your most vulnerable stuff out there for everybody to option apart."
Online or off, Dr. Reams said, information technology is most important to find someone to talk to who is supportive and nonjudgmental. "That is the most wonderful thing that a person tin can have."
I Know You Are Straight but I Am a Lesbian
Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/17/smarter-living/gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgender.html
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